New Territory….

Ok, I couldn’t write about my date with the Cameraman when I got home….because I got home and cried. I’ve had a sleepless night and have been vomiting because of the turmoil.
Here’s how it all played out-
I made very little effort…basic makeup, hair still damp from the shower, jeans.
I called him as I was walking towards our meeting spot so I could see who answered their phone and I could identify him. He answered and looked towards me and said “Is that you I see….please let that be you. You are beautiful. ”
He hugs me and I dodge the lips heading my way. We sit down, he’s already got a beer so I ditch the idea of coffee and go for the wine. We start chatting and he’s pleasant and attentive. He keeps looking at me like that kid looks at the apple pie in American Pie. Constantly says how wonderful I am. Has a family event next month at his sister’s winery. All 9 of his siblings and their families, and his Mum will be there. Would I please go? He would love to show his family his new amazing lady.
Now, there’s nothing really wrong with him. He doesn’t look like Shrek. He’s funny. Has an interesting job. Clearly thinks I’m lovely. Ticks galore right there! But……I sat there like a dead fish. Felt nothing except fear of how to get myself out of this situation.
He kept asking when he would see me again. He went in for the goodnight kiss when I wasn’t expecting it and I missed the chance to dodge it. I now have a bruised lip. He texted 3 times and called last night after I got home. I responded with the fact I was sleepy…goodnight.
Here’s where it’s all new territory for me.
I’ve always been the rejectED. I have never been the rejectER. It’s a tough gig and I feel like the crappiest person in the world. The Cameraman is quite sweet and doesn’t deserve to just have his number blocked with no explanation. I’ll have to figure out some solution that will sit ok with me….and I will. Right now though, I just feel yuck.

Don’t stop believing. xx

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