An Unexpected Twist….

Well, this dating malarkey is horrible!
When I signed up to dating sites again, I wasn’t hoping for the love of my life to pop into my inbox, or even a lasting relationship. My main aim was to regain some self-esteem, get out of the house and break the relentless boredom. I wasn’t in any way worried about my dreams being crushed or feeling bad about myself. I  figured that it’s impossible to be hurt if you don’t care. Simple, right?
Here’s the twist. I didn’t for one second entertain the thought that I might end up hurting someone else! It seems that I have….and I can’t tell you how badly that’s got me in a funk. It’s not sitting well with me at all and I have no clue what to do about it. I very nicely and very gently told the Cameraman this morning that there wouldn’t be a second date. To my surprise and absolute horror, he is devastated. I’ve had a relentless stream of texts banging on about connections and how very special I am to him and what I add  to his life.
Pleading to at least give him another chance. I’ve been as nice as I can but I can’t deal with too much more. I am actually distressed by it.
This is the very first time in my life that someone thinks more highly of me than I  do him. On reflection, that’s kind of pathetic….but it is what it is. It makes me feel bad for any man I’ve been involved with, if they ever felt like I do now. The big difference is that I have met the Cameraman once! There’s no relationship, no connection, no special anything. It’s become weird….and I feel like garbage. 😦

Don’t stop believing. xx

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