So, I haven’t written anything for a little while. It’s been a horrid week full of turmoil and yucky funks.
I’ve fobbed off the Cameraman with a big white lie because I didn’t want to hurt him. I think it worked. I hope so.
G-Man and I are no longer on speaking terms. Half of me is so very sad and mourning the loss of an amazing person that was a huge part of my life. I want to cry about the loss of a beautiful soul and how he made me feel.
The other half is kind of relieved. This new G-Man is so far removed from the man I knew, that I struggle to understand who he is and how he came to be. This person makes me feel like less than nothing and brings out the absolute worst in me. I don’t like it and it’s not healthy. Anyway, contact has ceased. I hope one day that some kind of mutual respect can be restored….because it was pretty special.
So now it feels as though I have shed my skin, stepped out of the shadows and I’m ready to take on the world. I feel as though my wings had been clipped….but now they’re not. I can spread those wings and truly soar.
With that forced, newfound attitude, I went on a date last night. We’ll call him Bear….because he is big and tall and cuddly like a bear. He is nice and I quite like him. He is normal! So refreshing given my recent experiences. Not even a single mention of arse-licking either. So basic and normal that I did something I never thought I would do…he drove me home to where I actually live (instead of down the road), I invited him in for a coffee….and he met the Protester. I haven’t had much faith recently in my own judgement, so I guess I wanted a second opinion to verify that he was as normal as he appeared. The Protester agreed….he is normal. Phew!
I can’t see this being the romance of the century, but he is fun and I think I will see him again. 🙂
The self-worth is on the rise.
Confidence is building.
I am on the up!
I miss the old G-Man tremendously. 😦
I don’t miss the new, icky G-Man.
Don’t stop believing. xx