I don’t know if it’s because I’m not well or the full moon or what, but today has been a horrible day. I’m so fucking sad. 😦
I’ve tried really hard to pretend that all is good but I really don’t have the energy to keep it up. The Princess sees right through the facade and so does the Protester. I guess now it’s time to stop trying to fool myself as well. I’m not dealing with the whole G-Man thing. I understand that people fall in love with others, I get that. I was just about coping with that, but I cannot cope with the loss of the friendship. I feel like I have lost my best friend. My confidante. My shelter. He had this way of grounding me, and without that I am feeling overwhelmed….unsafe. It’s weird and heartbreaking.
When the dumbass left I shutdown and went to bed for a year. I did that pretty much out of feeling like a failure, not because I missed that idiot. This is different…and worse. I genuinely enjoy G-Man’s company and I miss it so bad.I can’t listen to music anymore without sadness. I can’t even enjoy watching the footy because I hate doing it alone. I miss his company. I miss the interaction. I miss the laughter. I miss him. He may not be the person that I know right now, but I know he’s still in there.
I think the Protester is scared I’m going to fall in a heap and go to bed again because she hasn’t left me alone all day. I won’t do that though, because if G-Man has taught me anything then it’s that I’m stronger than that now.
I also know that the whole dating thing is not actually helping….it’s making me feel worse. It’s shallow and hollow when my head and my heart is somewhere completely different.
I’ve done my best to deny how I feel. Tried to not even admit it to myself….but there it is.
I will be fine, but today has been a tough day.
A good night’s sleep, back to wotk tomorrow, and everything will be right as rain. 🙂
Don’t stop believing. xx